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I have a confession. I hate conflict and have not been great at conflict resolution in the past. I have tried the flight and fight options but these days I am much better at dealing with it. Here are some tips that I have learnt along the way.
I have a confession to make, I'm not naturally a great listener. My mind wanders, I think about what I'm going to say next, I get distracted by my phone, etc. I want to be a better listener. It's something that you can learn, but it takes practice.
Another important part of emotional intelligence is self-regulation. According to Very Well Mind this means the ability to manage your emotions. Someone once said, 'your emotions are like a toddler, you can't let them drive and you can't put them in the boot.' Learning self-regulation is like teaching the toddler to drive. One way to develop self-regulation is to learn to distract yourself. The good thing about uncomfortable emotions is that they pass. Sometimes they last a long time but they don't last forever. When you use distraction to cope with emotional distress, it's like putting something in the fridge to cool it down. It's still there but it's not as hot. When you're at school or work it might be difficult to distract yourself. Here are some suggestions though it depends on your school policies:
Here are some ideas if you're at home:
I have walked in many other people's shoes by reading autobiographies and biographies - I've learnt what it is to lose someone you love, live with a disability, overcome extreme obstacles, learnt resilience, and achieved great things. I'm constantly inspired by these stories. One of the encouraging things is that they are people like me, achieving extraordinary things. These personal stories can transport you to any time and any place. I highly recommend borrowing a biography from the library and reading it today!
Often we are unaware of our biases. A bias is a prejudice for or against a certain group. Often there is no reason for the bias. Your bias might be based on cultural background, economic background, religious background, social group, political party, etc. You might have formed that bias based on a negative interaction with someone from that group. Or the bias might be passed down from your parents. The way to break down this biases and be more empathetic is to spend time with people from different backgrounds. Get to know some people who are different to you. It will help you to see things from a different angle.
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