Often we are unaware of our biases. A bias is a prejudice for or against a certain group. Often there is no reason for the bias. Your bias might be based on cultural background, economic background, religious background, social group, political party, etc. You might have formed that bias based on a negative interaction with someone from that group. Or the bias might be passed down from your parents. The way to break down this biases and be more empathetic is to spend time with people from different backgrounds. Get to know some people who are different to you. It will help you to see things from a different angle.
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I have a confession to make, I'm not good at receiving feedback, particularly constructive criticism. I tend to get very defensive. But if we want to grow, we need to be able to hear and accept feedback. One way to develop empathy is to ask family and friends how you're doing in that department. You could even ask for ideas on how to improve. Remember to accept their feedback graciously. I found an empathy quiz at https://greatergood.berkeley.edu
When you get out of your comfort zone and learn something new, you often feel vulnerable and humbled. Things often don't go as well as you thought they would in your head. This can help you empathise with other people because you can know what it feels like to be out of your depth, embarrassed, struggling, or even failing at something.
Empathy is an important part of emotional intelligence. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, empathy is the ability to share someone else's feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person's situation. Often we default to criticism and judgement instead of empathy. I know I have done this a lot in the past. I am getting better at stopping to reflect on why they might be like they are, or in the situation they're in. They might not have had the same safe and supportive home life that I did. They might be the victims of abuse or other tragic events. This helps me to feel empathy and compassion for them.
According to Positive Psychology one way to develop empathy is to spend time with people you don't know very well and ask them lots of questions. Don't make them feel like they're being interrogated, but find out about them in a friendly way. Part of being emotionally intelligent is holding yourself accountable for your attitude, words and actions. Do you blame others when something goes wrong or when you're in a bad mood? We can't change what happens to us, but we can change how we respond to what happens to us. For example, if it rains on your birthday and you had planned to go to the beach, you could be miserable and let it ruin your whole day. Alternatively, you could accept that you can't change the weather and go to the movies or shopping instead and have a great time. You are responsible for your attitude.
Part of emotional intelligence is being able to recognise and label your emotions. Here is a big (but not exhaustive) list of emotions.
Self-awareness is a large part of emotional intelligence. I like Mark Manson's definition of it. Self-awareness is our ability to observe and accurately identify our thoughts, feelings and impulses, and determine whether they are grounded in reality or not. This is something that you can learn and reflection is one way to do this. We've designed a journal page that you can download and print. It's free!
Mind Tools defines Emotional intelligence as "the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and those of people around you." They explain that emotionally intelligent people "have strong relationships, and they manage difficult situations calmly and effectively. They're also likely to be resilient in the face of adversity." It sounds like something that everyone would want, but not everyone has it. We're going to look at some ways to increase your emotional intelligence in the next few weeks. You can find the Mind Tools online emotional intelligence quiz at - https://www.mindtools.com/axbwm3m/how-emotionally-intelligent-are-you.
It is human nature to be selfish. Consider also the fact that the part of the brain that regulates decision-making is not fully developed in teenagers so you act impulsively and don't always consider the consequences of your actions - so it's even more difficult for you. But the middle of a global pandemic is not the time to ice selfish. We all have to be a lot more selfless and consider the greater good of our communities and country. This is a once in a hundred year occurrence so you likely won't experience anything else like it in your lifetime. The pandemic won't last forever - one day you will be able to go to the beach, have parties and travel again. But for now we need to be unselfish and follow the directives of our government. Failing to do so will make this whole saga drag on for longer. Anti-maskers, quarantine breakers, those who refuse to obey restrictions and those who go out when they are sick are being selfish. Now is not the time. We're all in this together!
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