Category: Relationships

Single is not a dirty word

18/5/2021

The movies and the media sell relationships as the ultimate dream. The unsaid message is that you can't be complete or happy until you're in a relationship. Let me tell you from personal experience, that while you're a teenager, it's much better to focus on friendships than romantic relationships. I was boy crazy as a teenager and wasted a lot of time and energy wanting to be in a relationship. The truth is that life does not magically become all right just because you've found Mr Right. There will be plenty of time to couple up the whole rest of your life. For now, enjoy your friends and spend time finding out who you are. Single is not a dirty word.

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Toxic Relationships

11/5/2021

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Relationships! Where do I begin? We all want the fairytale Disney ending, to find Prince Charming and live happily ever after. But you're probably old enough to know that life doesn't usually end up like the movies. Approximately one woman a week loses her life to domestic violence in Australia and one in six women experience physical or sexual abuse from their partner (https://www.aihw.gov.au). And this doesn't take into account the thousands of women that find themselves in toxic relationships. Teenagers can find themselves in toxic relationships too. I have seen girls stay in relationships that were damaging because they were in love, but love can be blind.

According to Karen Young from https://www.heysigmund.com, A toxic relationship contaminates your self-esteem, your happiness and the way you see yourself and the world. She outlines 15 signs that you might be in a toxic relationship - I have included seven of them in this post.

It feels bad. All the time. Every relationship has some hiccups along the way - a misunderstanding or argument, but if these are more frequent than the good times then it might be time to rethink the relationship.
They don't make an effort - you are the one that does all the work and makes all the compromises.
They keep score of your failures - and constantly bring them up.
You feel like you can't say no.
They are physically or verbally abusive.
They are passive - aggressive - when someone says, "It's ok, I'll stay home by myself while you go out and have fun," they clearly don't think it's ok.
They don't listen to you or belittle your opinion.

This list is not exhaustive but just an idea of the types of behaviour you will find in a toxic relationship. If you're in a toxic relationship, or if you are guilty of these behaviours, you might want to see a counsellor.

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Managing family conflict

8/12/2020

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Family conflict is part of life. It can be worse at Christmas time due to things like fatigue and busyness, financial strain and pressure to keep up with the Joneses (buy the best gifts, Christmas tree, festive lights etc.). Trying to spread yourself around when your parents are separated or divorced can be stressful. Dealing with extended family can also create more drama at Christmas. Here are some things to remember when dealing with family conflict:

It's not your responsibility to fix it.
Choose your time wisely when you bring up things with your parents. For example, the middle of your Mum and Dad's argument about finances is not usually the best time to ask for an increase in your pocket money.
Your tone is just as important as what you say. If you say something in a calm, non-aggressive way, you are more likely to be heard than if you use an aggressive, angry or whining tone.
Spend some time journalling or reflecting on what's going on before you talk to your parents - it will help you to collect your thoughts and calm down a bit.
Acknowledge other factors that are contributing to how you and other family members feel - you may have had an argument with a friend or have received a bad test result. Your Mum may have had a bad day at work.
Use I statements when discussing difficult topics, rather than "you" statements. For example, instead of staying "you're always tougher on me," say "I feel like you are tougher on me." This small change can make a big difference.
Be humble - it doesn't go down well if you tell your parents your parents what they should do. They have a lot more life experience than you and you might not know the full story.
Be patient - these kind of conversations are difficult and don't always go well.
Don't feel like you have to have the last word. Know when to stop. You don't have to win.
If things get violent, get help. If it's urgent call 000. Australia wide you can call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732). Each state also has it's own domestic violence helpline - check this link for more information.

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Domestic Violence

12/5/2020

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Domestic violence is likely to increase during Covid 19 while victims are forced to isolate with perpetrators. You have probably heard about domestic violence but you may not understand exactly what it is. Here is a summary of what it can include according to www.whiteribbon.org.au. See their website for more information.
physical assault - this includes things like shaking, slapping, pushing, punching or scratching, kicking, spitting, biting and dangerous driving.
sexual assault - forced or unwanted sexual activity.
verbal abuse - criticism, swearing and humiliation and yelling.
emotional abuse - deliberately causing emotional distress by blaming and criticising etc.
financial abuse - restricting access to bank accounts or cash.
technology-facilitated abuse - includes sharing explicit photos to get revenge.
social abuse - isolating someone from their friends and family.
spiritual abuse - stopping someone from practicing their religion.

Domestic violence can be against men, women or children and is NEVER okay. Please visit www.whiteribbon.org.au for more information. There is help if you need it.

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A healthy relationship

4/3/2020

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Not Born Yet

19/9/2019

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Emily's Voice is an organisation that supports people of all ages who are unexpectedly expecting a baby. You can find information about abortion, stories of women who have continued their pregnancies and support in your state. For more information go to https://notbornyet.com

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